oh god. give me strength. i have such shame writing this but i just have to. you guys need a jolly good laugh to cheer you up at my expense. this one blog here is the most nuttiest, craziest piece of writing i will ever recount about my family. well my mother dearest to be exact. ok here goes...
we all know that my sister Monica is disabled right? (well if you don't, what are you doing reading this?? go back to the beginning loser!). well here in little ol New Zealand (and i'm sure they have it in the rest of the world as well) we have what is called a disabled card which means you can park in a disabled car park which is a lot closer to the building. and we have a van to cart Monica around in (and yes i know i just used the word cart around to describe driving around my disabled sister). well the other night the family went to the mall (not prety i tell you and i do promise to tell you later on!) and when we got back to the van it was clamped!!! the mall security told us it got clamped coz it wasn't displaying a valid disabled card. we were like WHAT?? where is it?? well we somehow convinced them to release us and sort out the location of the missing disabled card later at home.
we got home and mother dearest was like, "oh yeah. i remember now. i've been using the card a lot and forgot to put it back in the van." i couldn't believe this. mother dearest would, (on many occasions it turned out) take the disabled card and use it so she could park closer to the building. be it malls, grocery stores, work even! wow. we were like, you gotta stop doin that. if your age is in the way you can get a disabled card of your own. makes sense right?? let the disabled people park in the disabled carparks!!
i was like "it's for physically disabled people mother. not MENTALLY disabled people like you..."
mother dearest started getting defensively mad and started yelling "i'm a disable's MOM! i have to go through hell everyday (she actually does NOT) and i need it!" omg. this is the point where i have to interrupt the story and swear that this woman did not at all give birth to me.
the old man, being the quiet aggressor just nodded his head along to this and made everyone calm down and go get ready for bed. next morning he had somehow padlocked the disabled card to the van's dashboard with a chain. i kid you not. hilarious stuff. serves her right!
again. on behalf of my mother (not so) dearest i apologise to all you disabled people out there who's carparks were taken by her. she is a disable's mom.