Monday, August 24, 2009

projectile curry!

warning! this post is so grossly ew that it may put some people off for life! i know i am...

me and my best mate stritch went shopping the other day and decided to go try on some clothes at this one store. while in the changing rooms however, i started feeling a bit sick... like dizzy and faint. so next thing i know, while strictch is getting changed, i vomitted up my lunch which just so happened to be curry. vegetable korma to be exact (too much info? sorry...)

it was so gross. it was like, a fountain of gross curry erupting from my mouth! and it STANK so BAD!!! stritch comes running outta the changing room like OMG OMG OMG!!! and i was so dizzy from both the smell and the ill feeling of having puked so much. the shop assistants were like, you guys have to clean it up! so stritch bein the bestest mate in the whole world got down on her hands and knees and cleaned up my vomit with a bucket and newspapers and paper towels. now, if that doesn't say true BFFFs i don't know what does.

don't get my wrong though. i (as always) had the last say. while stumbling out with vomit in hair and chin, i smiled (with probably vomit in teeth too! gross!) and said "sorry your clothes were just so revolting that that was the only way i could show my true disgust!"


Friday, August 14, 2009

i'm a disable's mom!!

oh god. give me strength. i have such shame writing this but i just have to. you guys need a jolly good laugh to cheer you up at my expense. this one blog here is the most nuttiest, craziest piece of writing i will ever recount about my family. well my mother dearest to be exact. ok here goes...

we all know that my sister Monica is disabled right? (well if you don't, what are you doing reading this?? go back to the beginning loser!). well here in little ol New Zealand (and i'm sure they have it in the rest of the world as well) we have what is called a disabled card which means you can park in a disabled car park which is a lot closer to the building. and we have a van to cart Monica around in (and yes i know i just used the word cart around to describe driving around my disabled sister). well the other night the family went to the mall (not prety i tell you and i do promise to tell you later on!) and when we got back to the van it was clamped!!! the mall security told us it got clamped coz it wasn't displaying a valid disabled card. we were like WHAT?? where is it?? well we somehow convinced them to release us and sort out the location of the missing disabled card later at home.

we got home and mother dearest was like, "oh yeah. i remember now. i've been using the card a lot and forgot to put it back in the van." i couldn't believe this. mother dearest would, (on many occasions it turned out) take the disabled card and use it so she could park closer to the building. be it malls, grocery stores, work even! wow. we were like, you gotta stop doin that. if your age is in the way you can get a disabled card of your own. makes sense right?? let the disabled people park in the disabled carparks!!
i was like "it's for physically disabled people mother. not MENTALLY disabled people like you..."

mother dearest started getting defensively mad and started yelling "i'm a disable's MOM! i have to go through hell everyday (she actually does NOT) and i need it!" omg. this is the point where i have to interrupt the story and swear that this woman did not at all give birth to me.

the old man, being the quiet aggressor just nodded his head along to this and made everyone calm down and go get ready for bed. next morning he had somehow padlocked the disabled card to the van's dashboard with a chain. i kid you not. hilarious stuff. serves her right!

again. on behalf of my mother (not so) dearest i apologise to all you disabled people out there who's carparks were taken by her. she is a disable's mom.